Dear Anon, I can't say I know how you feel, because everyone feels things differently, but I can say I have felt like this. I have wanted to take my life before and sometimes I still do. I have even reached out to Shaun like this before looking for something I knew he could not provide. I was setting myself up for failure so I felt okay making self-harming decisions because I could blame others for not making me better. I would like to talk to you. Maybe we could help each other. Please.