Father, wreck and rebuild me I pray,
For there’s so much unsaid that I have wanted to say,
So many things I have seen rise and fall,
As I stand feeling heavy, no movement at all,
Teach me to cling to Your hope alone,
To set my sights daily at the foot of Your throne,
Though I’m weak and imperfect, a cracked mound of clay,
Father,
Potter,
Wreck and rebuild me I pray.
How to spend my evening?
Perhaps enveloped in music,
wrapped up in a book,
or standing in the garage frantically flapping my arms, imagining how it feels to be a bearded vulture catching thermals and soaring way up in the sky.
Decisions, decisions.
Thinking to myself - ‘So much incredible music to share - so much compositional skill, sonic structure and dynamics to get legitimately excited about, yet so few truly appreciative and equally excitable people to share and discuss said music with.’
Oh, how splendid it is in my mind to savour every stringed harmony, shiver at off-beat drum patterns, perfectly odd yet hauntingly suited passing chords and vocal lines that sink their teeth into my mind and don’t let go.
I’m already rambling. You see my point.
Oh it is bittersweet to be passionate for music in a way that goes beyond simply stating,
“I like this; it’s catchy.”
I’m for deconstructing and dissecting each working element of a single tune just to pick out the minute and the mighty components that pitch together in wonderful unity to create soundcapes and tease out emotions and thoughts otherwise dormant. I like music that intrudes and provokes me, unsettling the dust.
It’s a rare and lonely passion to indulge, I tell you.
As much as I’m loving performing in this show at the moment,
a big part of me will be glad when it’s over..mainly because I’ve allowed it to become a huge drain on time spent with my God and my only best friend, Jesus.
Don’t get me wrong, I love acting; the costume, learning lines, right up to the thrill of feeding off the audience responses and the relief as you deliver your last line. The stage is a place where I feel free and my true colours can be emitted under the cloak and guise of a scripted character…quite often the roles I play are actually truer to my own life than others realise.
But it makes me sad that for the duration of this week, and some leading up to it in fact, my relationship with my Lord has been somewhat neglected.
I’m desparate to put that right.
I don’t want to be a sham, and it breaks my heart just thinking about it.
Here’s to this weekend, eh!
On another note, I also miss all of you terribly, and I’m aware i’ve been little more than a spectre on here as of late. I’m sorry.
I am still around.
I’ve just been super-busy…it’s draining stuff, as i’m sure some of you will understand. Trying so hard to cling to God through it all as well, as i’ve been feeling somewhat cut off as of late.
Prayers for strength, persistence and the ability to endure would all be so welcome right now, and maybe once it all dies down and I have time and clarity of mind to put together a coherent post I can fill you in on what’s going on…then I can have a bash at being the friend you all deserve of me, which thus far, I am doing a pretty poor job of, it has to be said.
I’m sorry…I hope you have the grace and mercy to forgive me.
I can’t imagine what I cause you to put up with without realising,
but thankyou.
That’s it…nothing else to say.
Just sharing the love. :)
and not just any old pass…a first-class honours.
